* Why is it that rusty cars are always the fastest?
* Once again, don't shop hungry! Spend $75.00 and then try and get it on the bus.
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* Isn't it funny that when you have a full cart of groceries and are in a hurry, you have also seemed to pick all the items that won't scan?
* Why is it that rusty cars are always the fastest? * Once again, don't shop hungry! Spend $75.00 and then try and get it on the bus. *
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On his family’s early poverty: “Four of us slept in one bed. When it got cold, mother would just throw on another brother.”
On turning 70 years old: “You can still chase women, but only downhill.” On turning 80 years old: “That’s the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing.” On giving up his early boxing career: “I ruined my hands in the boxing ring -- the referee kept stepping on them.” On why he chose show business for his career: “When I was born, the doctor said to my mother, ‘You just gave birth to an 8-pound ham.” On his six brothers: “That’s how I learned to dance -- waiting for the bathroom.” On his early failures: “I wouldn’t have had anything to eat if it wasn’t for the food that audiences threw at me.” “You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'” Tommy Cooper
Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face. Dave Barry Never miss a good chance to shut up. There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. Don't gamble; take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it till it goes up, then sell it. If it don't go up, don't buy it. The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby. Natalie Wood
An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.” Agatha Christi Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. Robert Orben When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something Critics are like eunuchs in a harem; they know how it's done, they've seen it done every day, but they're unable to do it themselves. Brendan Behan "Seven out of ten people suffer from hemorrhoids. Does this mean that the other three enjoy it." When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy. Dave Berry
You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon'. Chris Rock It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate. Unknown. There's two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither one works. Will Rodgers The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us. ~Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes There are three ways to get something done; do it yourself, hire someone, or forbid your kids to do it.
Mona Crane The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits. Albert Einstein, An atheist is a man who has no invisible means of support. John Buchan Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. Will Rogers I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason and intellect has intended us to forget their use. Galileo Galilei, In order to make your dream a reality, you must first wake up.
There are two great days in a person's life. The day we are born and the day we discover why. The joy of intimacy is the reward of commitment. Many people think opportunity looks like a free ride, a chance to grab on to something, to be powerfully and quickly swept toward fame and fortune with a minimum amount of effort. But that's not opportunity. That's fantasy. Every artist was first an amateur. ..... Ralph Waldo Emerson The best thing to give to your enemy is forgiveness; to an opponent, tolerance; to a friend, your heart; to your child, a good example; to a father, deference; to your mother, conduct that will make her proud of you; to yourself, respect; to all men, charity.
-Arthur Balfour But become kind to one another, tenderly compassionate, freely forgiving one another just as God also by Christ freely forgave YOU. (Ephesians 4:32) . . . I still subscribe to a daily newspaper, although I'm starting to wonder why. In the QC Times this morning, there was an article on page A7, 'Local Voices About Economy'. In that article was a young woman interviewed under the subheading: 'Coffeehouse Patron: Legalize marijuana'.
I'm not sure how much coffee she likes to drink, but perhaps it's a whole "potful"? Another area of the paper that made me ponder was two full page ads with the heading, 'CASH FOR TOOLS'. Now these ads have been appearing for several days and state that this particular company will be purchasing used tools for 'ONLY' five days. Now what do you suppose just one full page ad sells for? It may be assumed that after all that advertising expense, the sign over the entrance may read something like: "All ye who enter here, abandon all Hope" (of a fair price?). We also have not considered the time and expense of traveling costs to come here. Me thinks I'll keep me tools. Keith |
[email protected]This is another blog page to put down thoughts and musings, events, happenings, and whatever comes along in a day that may be interesting! Or not. Feel free to add your own events or thoughts, through the comments tab, or e-mail the information and I'll do a regular post. Please, let all comments be appropriate , they will be deleted if not. Archives
May 2012
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